The Inner Commentary: How ACT Understands the Voice That Wears Us Down
Most people who come to counselling don’t say, “I’m suffering because of my thoughts.”
They say things like (often alongside burnout, anxiety, emotional disconnection, or chronic self-criticism):
“I can’t shut my brain off.”
“I’m stuck in my head.”
“I know what I should do, but I don’t do it.”
“I keep replaying conversations or worrying about what’s coming.”
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a clear, practical way to understand what’s happening here—without pathologizing you or asking you to “think positive.”
At the centre of ACT is a simple but confronting idea:
Much of human suffering is maintained by the way we relate to our own internal dialogue.
Not because the dialogue exists—but because we treat it as truth, command, or threat.
The Human Brain: A Problem-Solving Machine That Never Shuts Off
Your mind evolved to do one thing extremely well: detect problems and prevent harm.
That ability helped your ancestors survive. It helped you succeed at work, protect your family, and plan ahead.
But the same system creates problems when it turns inward.
Your brain narrates constantly:
What went wrong
What might go wrong
What you should have done
What this says about you
ACT doesn’t call this “negative thinking.”
It calls it normal human cognition.
The issue isn’t that the voice exists.
The issue is how much authority it has over your behaviour, attention, and nervous system.
When the Mind Becomes a Courtroom Instead of a Tool
Many people relate to their thoughts as if they are:
Accurate assessments of reality
Instructions that must be followed
Warnings that demand immediate action
If the mind says:
“You’re failing.”
The body tightens.
If it says:
“This conversation will blow up.”
You withdraw or get defensive.
If it says:
“You can’t slow down right now.”
Burnout accelerates.
ACT calls this cognitive fusion—being fused with thoughts as if they are the same thing as facts.
When fused, the mind stops being a tool and becomes a courtroom where you are constantly on trial.
Why Trying to Control the Voice Makes It Louder
Most high-functioning adults have already tried:
Arguing with their thoughts
Replacing them with better ones
Distracting themselves
Powering through
Sometimes this works short term.
Long term, it often backfires.
Why?
Because the mind treats suppression as a signal that something is dangerous.
The harder you try to eliminate certain thoughts, the more attention the system gives them.
ACT doesn’t ask you to silence the voice.
It asks a more useful question:
“What happens when I stop letting this voice run my life?”
ACT’s Core Shift: From Believing Thoughts to Noticing Them
ACT introduces a skill called cognitive defusion.
Defusion doesn’t mean getting rid of thoughts.
It means changing your relationship to them.
Instead of:
“I’m failing as a husband.”
It becomes:
“I’m noticing my mind is telling the ‘I’m failing’ story again.”
That small shift does something powerful:
It creates space
It reduces emotional load
It gives you choice
You don’t need to win an argument with your mind.
You need distance from it.
The Cost of Staying Stuck in the Head
When people live primarily in internal dialogue, a few patterns show up:
Disconnection from partners and kids
Chronic tension and fatigue
Irritability or emotional flatness
A sense of always being behind
This isn’t a motivation problem.
It’s a nervous system problem reinforced by mental habits.
ACT works by reconnecting attention to:
The body
The present moment
Chosen values rather than mental rules
Values: A Different Authority Than the Mind
ACT makes a critical distinction:
Thoughts tell you what sounds safe
Values tell you what matters
Your mind might say:
“Avoid this conversation.”
Your values might say:
“Be present and honest.”
ACT helps you notice the thought without obeying it—and then act in the direction of values, even with discomfort present.
This is not willpower.
It’s psychological flexibility.
The Goal Isn’t a Quiet Mind—It’s a Livable Life
ACT doesn’t promise peace through mental control.
It offers something more realistic and more durable:
Less domination by internal dialogue
More engagement with real life
The ability to carry discomfort without being driven by it
Your mind will keep talking.
The question is whether it stays in the driver’s seat—or returns to being a backseat commentator.
If This Resonates
If you’re someone who is competent, responsible, and exhausted from living in your head—ACT may be a good fit.
Not because you need fixing.
But because you may need a different relationship with the voice that’s been running the show.
Therapy isn’t about thinking better.
It’s about living better, even when the mind is loud.
